Graduate Fever
It must be a condition that all who have had to return home from spending 3/4 years away at uni can sympathise with, especially those who have thrown themselves into life in this other locality to such an extent that "home" now is the place you go when you need a holiday! To then find yourself firmly back where you started out from all that time ago is about a rude a shock as any life might throw - not entirely traumatic at first (in fact I am loving spending some time with my parents and have missed home a lot) but it slowly begins to dawn that you have to start building a life now, however temporary it may be.
For me, life has a very clear pre-uni, post-uni divide. By that I mean that the life I had before venturing to the wilds of Surrey has not had much to do with the Egham based agenda of the past 4 years (apart from the Roseblade anomoly, which I am still trying to work out!). Mostly that means I haven't kept up with old friends, and while that is probably more a fact of life than any failing on my part, it has made the move back home harder. Having been used to being surrounded with more friends than I could shake a stick at, I now find myself at best with people I need to "catch up with", usually the best part of 4 years!
This was exemplified by Emma's wedding last weekend. Even though I knew that at the meal I would be sitting at a table with people I knew and most definitely wanted to catch up with, the fact remained that until then most of the people I did know were involved with official roles, such as bride, bridesmaid, photographer etc, and I had to turn up at the service firmly on my own. I knew I would be silly to worry unduly about this, and so gave myself a talking to before striking up conversation with the couple I had sat next to. They turned out to be the groom's aunt and uncle and it seemed they knew less people than I did, which was a slight comfort. The most amusing thing happened, when just as I had finished explaining how and why, I really didn't know anyone, I spotted out of the corner of my eye a very familiar face indeed. "Well, I think I know that person but I've not got a clue why he would be here at all!" Surprise of the day was my oldest friend Will turning up, cos his new(ish) girlfriend is friends with Emma - I havn't seen Will for a long time, and although I have known him most of my life we keep our link more through a family friendship than any individual effort. So it was a great surprise to see him, meet Toni and have a bit of a chat, the first of many "catch-ups" that day.
Anyway, my point is that most of the people I knew that day I have had relatively little contact with since I disappeared off to RHUL, and it left a quite surreal cloud surrounding the whole idea of the past few years. Worries of having no-one to talk to gone, the conversations I did have left me feeling almost as if uni was this huge dream that I had just woken up from. More like a coma than a dream, as everyone else has moved on with their life too! It was a similar story when I went back to my old church last Sunday.
Somewhere in the meeting of two old friends lies a fairly awkward space, where you are forced to evaluate whether you are still friends in the same way or if too much time has passed. Sometimes you can let it go without too much worry, and remembering the good times move on to what comes next but sometimes it is too hard to do that, and so you go on pretending that you are both still happy in the friendship as it was. It is sad to look upon an old, trusted face and realise that you no longer really know that person. With some you can fear it coming, but other people just surprise you.
But I guess, as so many have observed, that is just life.
On a lighter note, who did the cake?! It was amazing... (hehe!)
For me, life has a very clear pre-uni, post-uni divide. By that I mean that the life I had before venturing to the wilds of Surrey has not had much to do with the Egham based agenda of the past 4 years (apart from the Roseblade anomoly, which I am still trying to work out!). Mostly that means I haven't kept up with old friends, and while that is probably more a fact of life than any failing on my part, it has made the move back home harder. Having been used to being surrounded with more friends than I could shake a stick at, I now find myself at best with people I need to "catch up with", usually the best part of 4 years!
This was exemplified by Emma's wedding last weekend. Even though I knew that at the meal I would be sitting at a table with people I knew and most definitely wanted to catch up with, the fact remained that until then most of the people I did know were involved with official roles, such as bride, bridesmaid, photographer etc, and I had to turn up at the service firmly on my own. I knew I would be silly to worry unduly about this, and so gave myself a talking to before striking up conversation with the couple I had sat next to. They turned out to be the groom's aunt and uncle and it seemed they knew less people than I did, which was a slight comfort. The most amusing thing happened, when just as I had finished explaining how and why, I really didn't know anyone, I spotted out of the corner of my eye a very familiar face indeed. "Well, I think I know that person but I've not got a clue why he would be here at all!" Surprise of the day was my oldest friend Will turning up, cos his new(ish) girlfriend is friends with Emma - I havn't seen Will for a long time, and although I have known him most of my life we keep our link more through a family friendship than any individual effort. So it was a great surprise to see him, meet Toni and have a bit of a chat, the first of many "catch-ups" that day.
Anyway, my point is that most of the people I knew that day I have had relatively little contact with since I disappeared off to RHUL, and it left a quite surreal cloud surrounding the whole idea of the past few years. Worries of having no-one to talk to gone, the conversations I did have left me feeling almost as if uni was this huge dream that I had just woken up from. More like a coma than a dream, as everyone else has moved on with their life too! It was a similar story when I went back to my old church last Sunday.
Somewhere in the meeting of two old friends lies a fairly awkward space, where you are forced to evaluate whether you are still friends in the same way or if too much time has passed. Sometimes you can let it go without too much worry, and remembering the good times move on to what comes next but sometimes it is too hard to do that, and so you go on pretending that you are both still happy in the friendship as it was. It is sad to look upon an old, trusted face and realise that you no longer really know that person. With some you can fear it coming, but other people just surprise you.
But I guess, as so many have observed, that is just life.
On a lighter note, who did the cake?! It was amazing... (hehe!)
posted by Susie at
6:33 AM
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