Making Deals with God

So Sunday came and at a loose end I decided to have a wander down to the Waterfront. Armed with my map (hidden in my bag, obviously) I took a stroll, with the intention of checking out this city I am to call my home for the next 3+ months. It is certainly very beautiful. You've got to give it that. But as I was walking and thinking, I suddenly realised that I didn't really care that much about this place. Rather depressingly, the things I was seeing as I passed through the streets were not causing any kind of reaction in me, except maybe "is this it, then?".

In hindsight, I was obviously feeling quite homesick, and facing loosing the friends I had made thus far in the coming days, as they were all heading back to the UK in various fashions. I was also feeling a little isolated, as not having a car is quite a huge issue in terms of mobility in Cape Town. But even knowing these facts doesn't make the situation feel any better... if you're down, you're down. But there had been (and still is) a great expectation on my part that this time in South Africa was going to be very significant, and that there was a bigger reason that I was coming here - part of God's plan for my life, and various words of encouragement and prophecy had confirmed this prior to my departure from the UK. So it is a little disheartening to arrive in a city you feel you have been sent to for a reason, and find that you're not even sure you like it!!

I knew I needed to go to a church that evening. The churches I had been told about were all quite a distance from me, and a taxi was going to be fairly costly, which worried me. But I knew that if I could connect in with some people on my wavelength, who were not a part of the work environment and who weren't going to fly to a different country anytime soon, that I would start to feel more settled. Also there was the God thing, He would probably make me feel better. But I wasn't in a particularly good mood with God at this point, and our conversation ran something like this:

Me "So this is Cape Town then?"
God "Yep"
Me "Soooooo, what's this big Africa plan then?"
God " "
Me "Um, ok well can you tell me anything about why I'm in Cape Town?"
God " "
Me "You gotta give me something!! I mean it's a beautiful place and everything, but there's more to me being here than that, isn't there? I just need a little encouragement that this was a good idea!"
God " "
Me "Look - I have spent all this money coming over to a country I have never thought twice about to get work experience in a job I don't even know that I want to do, and all because You told me to. I'm here! I made it!! What now...?"
God " "
Me " Why are you being like this?? I don't understand!! Why am I here??? Why aren't I in Asia?? Why should I stay? Why shouldn't I just go home?? Why are You being so quiet, You had plenty to say in England!! Why why why aaarrgghhhhhhhhhh!!"
God " "
Me "I feel poo-ey."

So I hope you can see how productive that was. At this stage I gave up asking questions, and began to tell God how it was...

Me "Ok, well I'm going to go to this church tonight but it's too far away for me to afford a taxi each week, so if you want me to go there then I'd like a lift back please. I'm sure that's not too much for You to handle. Also it would be great if you could give me some kind of prophecy or picture or something that deals with my doubts, because I know that You sent me here but I'm not really feeling it at the moment. Preferably through someone else so I know I'm not imagining it. Then I will really know I'm supposed to be here."

Childish? Completely. And I am so in awe of God's patience and goodness that He puts up with stuff like this from me. If I had been that petulant to my mother I would have got a smacked bottom (or at least told I deserved one!).

Anyway, so I huffed and puffed my way back to the hostel and booked a taxi and turned up at church. I had decided to check out the Vineyard church's young adults service, which is called Newsong and meets on Sunday evenings in a golf club. I was a bit early but was welcomed in first by a guy called Tim and then by a girl called Marlies. It was a cool service, and I felt very comfortable with the style etc, but the best thing was realising that God had actually been listening that afternoon. As soon as Marlies found out I had got a taxi over, she insisted on giving me a lift back. And at the end of the service a girl came over to me and said she felt she had some encouragement from God - she saw me running after Him but not ever quite catching Him up, feeling like He was just out of reach. She said that God wanted to say that I would catch up with Him, I would catch the vision that He has for me."

Me "Thank you" (sheepishly)
God "I am always with you and I am listening. I love you. Be patient."
Me "I know. I'm sorry. I love You."